Building Tolerance for Difficult Emotions

Something therapists hear often is “I don’t want to let my emotions take over and get the best of me”. You might have grown up in a family where emotions were not expressed or talked about so feelings like anxiety, sadness, anger, or shame can feel overwhelming, even intolerable. We naturally want to avoid them or fix them to make that discomfort go away. But if we learn to tolerate uncomfortable emotions, we are more likely to feel a sense of calmness and less self judgement.

Here are a few strategies to help build tolerance for difficult emotions:

1. Acknowledge and Name It: The first step is simply noticing what you're feeling without judgment. Instead of being hard on yourself for feeling something, name it. Something even as simple as “this is anxiety right now" works. When you name the emotion, it creates distance between you and the emotion which will allow you to think clearer.

2. Observe Without Judgment: Once you named the emotion, try to observe it in a detached way. You are not the emotion, you are experiencing the emotion.

3. Practice Self-Soothing: When difficult emotions arise, engaging your senses can be incredibly grounding. This isn't about escaping the feeling, but rather about offering yourself comfort and support while you experience it. This could look like a grounding technique:

• Sight: Looking at something calming

• Sound: Listening to nature sounds

• Smell: Lighting a scented candle

• Taste: Slowly savoring a food item

• Touch: Wearing a weighted blanket or playing with a fidget toy

Experiment to find what works best for you.

4. Build Distress Tolerance Skills: Distress tolerance is about learning to cope with difficult emotions in the moment without making things worse. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a great tool.

• Distraction: Temporarily shifting your focus to something else when the emotion feels too much( running, jumping). This isn't about avoidance, but about creating space to allow the intensity of the emotion to subside.

• Improving the Moment: Finding small ways to make the present moment slightly more bearable ( think of this technique like you are adding to a moment. Turn on fun music, grab a snack).

• Radical Acceptance: This is about accepting reality as it is, even when it's painful. It doesn't mean you have to like it, but resisting reality only leads to more suffering.

5. Remember Impermanence: All emotions, even the most intense ones, will eventually pass. Paying attention to how emotions rise and fall can help you trust that you won't be stuck in this feeling forever.

Building tolerance for difficult emotions takes time, patience, and self-compassion. There will be days when the emotions feel particularly strong, and that's okay. Be kind to yourself, and remember that with practice, you can learn to manage them.

If you're finding it challenging to navigate difficult emotions on your own, reaching out for support can be incredibly helpful. Therapy provides a safe and supportive space to explore these feelings and develop effective coping strategies. Contact us today!